Raising Confident Kids

Last night, as I was doing research on the 2008 election, I stumbled across a Christian website for men. The website titled, The New Man Magazine, is a great tool for Christina men who wants to improve aspects of their lives that need attention. From faith to fitness, this website covers it all.

In the blog section, I saw this piece on fatherhood and thought I should feature it on my blog. Raising Confident Kids is the title of the post and Tommy Newberry's main theory is the power of Positive Memory.

Newberry explains that,

Kids with real confidence have what I call a “Positive Memory.” This means that they tend to notice and stay mindful of what they do right, instead of what they do wrong. This mental habit is learned (or not learned) as a result of exposure to grown-ups who possess and emphasize this positive memory.

Therefore,

When your children see that they’ve made progress–even a little–they want to succeed even more. This gets the momentum going. Often, as dads, we shut our eyes to the progress our kids are making because we’re fixated on perfection. But demanding perfection is a toxic mental habit that only serves to amplify your children’s weaknesses.

I really like this theory and it goes great with Newberry's philosophy of having a Philippians 4:8 attitude.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

In conclusion, Newberry urges us to,

Remember, what gets impressed through your habitual thinking gets expressed through your circumstances.

Amen Brother.

Do I Have What It Takes?

One of the first questions that I asked myself after finding out that I was going to be a father was, "Do I have what it takes?" I wrestled with that question for a couple of weeks until I came across a book in Hackman's (Allentown's Christian Book Store) titled, "You Have What It Takes" by John Eldredge. It was a small book (only 53 pages) and it only cost $2.99 but it was big on answers.

The book opens up with the basic question every child is asking their father. For a boy, that question is: Do I have what it takes or Am I good enough? For a girl, that question is Am I lovely or Am I worth fighting for? These are the questions that all boys and girls are longing to ask and desperately seeking an answer. Eldredge writes that you should always answer this question with a resounding Yes!

Eldredge points out

You, Dad, are the most powerful man in the world...at least their world. Your children are looking to you to answer the deepest questions of their lives. How you handle their hearts will shape them for the rest of their lives. (14)

Eldredge illustrates that as mothers show children how to love and mercy, fathers are blessed with the task of shaping their identity.

A boy learns if he is a man, if he has what it takes, from his dad. A girl learns if she is worth pursuing, if she is lovely, from her dad. That's just the way God set this while thing up. This power he has given to you. (15)

Looking back on my youth, I also longed to hear those words come out of my father's mouth. From softball, football, track, and in the classroom, I was always seeking my dad's approval and his assurance that I was good enough: that I was good enough to carry on his name and that I was good enough to make him proud to be my father.

It took a long time but I finally got to hear those words shortly after I graduated from Harvard Divinity School. As my family was walking around Harvard Square, my dad and I went into the Coop to frame my diploma. As we were waiting in line surrounded by Harvard students, my dad turned to me and said, "You're graduating from Harvard with all these people from around the world...I'm proud of you, Son." It was a great moment in my life and I will always remember that day!

My goal is to have moments like that with my children. Starting from a very young age, we have to shower our children with love, self worth, and the notion that God cares about them. These are only a few of the tools that we need to parent our children into the people we hope and pray they will be. Stay tune for more tools in the future.

Its Unoffical...

We are having a boy. Let me explain. Yesterday, Tisha and I were sitting on the couch enjoying each other's company when I started drumming on the table with Tisha's pens. When you're married to a PhD student, you have to get used to the fact that writing utensils are always going to be lying around. After a few seconds or so, I realized that one pen was baby blue and the other pen was pink. Thus, I had the bright idea of pointing the pens at Dixie and seeing which pen she chooses and the color would represent the sex of the baby. (I know that blue=boy and pink=girl is old fashion and maybe a little sexist but it was all in good fun). I also have to add a footnote to this story: the first trick we ever taught Dixie was to press her nose against a stick or my finger whenever she wants a treat. The funny part was that Tisha and I tried this test 5 times alternating the pens in both hands and Dixie choose the blue pen every time. Once again, we have to wait six or so more weeks to find out the sex of the baby but according to Dixie, we are having a boy.

Delaware

Tisha and I had a great trip home this past weekend. Click on the picture to see more pictures. LOL.

Nothing Else Compares

Tisha and I had our first doctor's appointment Tuesday and it was one of the best day of my life. The doctor let us hear our baby's heartbeat and it was sweet music to my hears. Although the baby is super tiny (Tisha is 10 wks pregnant), the baby's heart was beating strong and super fast. The doctor thinks we're going to have a boy but its way too early to tell. We won't know the sex of the baby until 18 wks.

Actually, to tell you the truth, this have been one of the best weeks of my life. I got a new lacrosse stick, a free bag of M&Ms from the vending machine, and my paper on Langston Hughes was accepted by the Harvard Theological Review Journal. Life is definitely good and God is definitely good.

Super Tuesday

Tomorrow is a big day for Tisha and I. We have our first doctor's appointment tomorrow and we might be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. As always, I will give you a update after the appointment.

Fastest Game on Two Feet

Thanks to Uzma Siddiqui, my good law school friend, I went to my first Major League Lacrosse (MLL) game this past Sunday. However, this wasn't just any old game but it was the All Star Game. I got to see my favorite lax player, Kyle Harrison, score a goal and I got to spend a nice (hot) afternoon watching great lacrosse. Oh yeah, and to top it off, I caught one of the free MLL T-shirts they were throwing in the stands.

As some of you know, lacrosse has a special place in my heart. I never played in high school and I always regret the decision not to play. The lacrosse coach use to hound me in the halls but I was too busy thinking about to track to start playing lacrosse. What a waste! All I have to show for my 3 years of running track are a few school records.

Why Family Is So Important

As Tisha and I move closer to having a little one, my thoughts often turn to my childhood. People always say that you never appreciate your parents until you have a little one and I'm finally starting to see the truth in that statement. Now that I'm on the verge of being a parent, I think about my parents a lot more than usual. I think about the sacrifices that they made and the great values that they installed in me. Even if they never sat me down and gave me a lecture on certain issues, their actions always provided a example of how to be a great couple and ultimately how to be great parents.

However, the man that you see today is not just a product of his parents but a product of his entire extended family. A host of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and in-laws all contributed to the person that I am and the person I want to become. Family like my Aunt Tee, who always cheered the loudest at my football games; Uncle Marshall, who words of wisdom of becoming a man will never be forgotten; Uncle Wayne, who always had my back; and my Grandparents, who can always brighten my dad with a quick visit, all played a major part in shaping me. And I can not forget my cousins. Thanks for always standing up for your shorter nerdy cousin (and I don't mean Clarence III).

This is a special Thank You to all of my family members!